Too bad somebody else won it...
"Hey LeBron, the locker room is that way."
Spurs Clinch NBA Finals on Cleveland’s Court
Congratulations to LeBron James and the Cavaliers in upholding the finest of North Coast traditions: losing memorably. If you know anything about Cleveland sports, you know that our teams don’t just lose, they lose in ways that you’ll never forget. Already, the Mike & Mikes and Colin Cowherds of sports talk radio are proclaiming the Cavs the worst NBA Finals team ever. A hard case to refute when you get swept in 4 games.
As I said, this continues a long tradition of spectacular failure. Most people are familiar with the Browns' epic success at sucking. 3 playoff runs in the 80’s were ended in utterly heart-breaking fashion. Red-Right 88: team down in the final minutes, marches down the field for a game saving TD, only to be intercepted in the End Zone to lose to Raiders (who eventually won the Super Bowl).
Then, John Elway. That horse-faced motherfucker. The Browns were the AFC favorites to go to the Super Bowl and even had home-field advantage in the AFC Championship game. The Browns had the lead in the final minute. Cue the tragedy, the Broncos march down the field and win the game with a TD. Two years later, the Browns were in the same game, only they had the ball marching down the field at the end, needing a TD to win. This time, Earnest Byner fumbles the ball on the goal line, Broncos recover. Both games are now referred to simply as “The Drive” and “The Fumble” respectively. The Browns have only been back to the playoffs twice in the nearly 20 years since. They were rolled in the first round both times.
Hey, at least the Browns gave us hope. The Indians suffered in abject futility for decades. I can recall attending games at Cleveland Municipal Stadium in my childhood, when there could have only been 5,000 fans in the stands on any given night. When they finally made it to the World Series in ‘97, they couldn’t close out Game 7 in Florida and lost in extra innings. Thanks for nothing Jose Mesa.
Finally, there are the Cleveland Cavaliers. If you only listen to ESPN, the Cavs were in the Sports Wilderness from their inception until the drafting of Lebron. But that omits a small window in the early 90’s that the Cavs used to inflict heartbreak on its fans: remember that immortal clip of Michael Jordan nailing a 3 pointer at the end of the Eastern Conference Finals to take the Bulls to the championship? He hits it and then jumps about 15 feet in the air, pumping his fist. That was against Cleveland. It was poor Craig Ehlo defending the shot (and defending it soundly, might I add). The Cavs actually weren’t all that bad in those years. I don’t know if they were Championship-caliber, but they could have played in a Finals series or two. Unfortunately, as is the case with a few others teams of that period, MJ’s Bulls are the only team anyone will remember.
This is just the way things go around here. We’re used to it. We just suck it up and move on, blindly optimistic and ready to believe yet again that next time will be different. After all, training camp starts in about a month and we’ve got Brady Quinn.
Congratulations to LeBron James and the Cavaliers in upholding the finest of North Coast traditions: losing memorably. If you know anything about Cleveland sports, you know that our teams don’t just lose, they lose in ways that you’ll never forget. Already, the Mike & Mikes and Colin Cowherds of sports talk radio are proclaiming the Cavs the worst NBA Finals team ever. A hard case to refute when you get swept in 4 games.
As I said, this continues a long tradition of spectacular failure. Most people are familiar with the Browns' epic success at sucking. 3 playoff runs in the 80’s were ended in utterly heart-breaking fashion. Red-Right 88: team down in the final minutes, marches down the field for a game saving TD, only to be intercepted in the End Zone to lose to Raiders (who eventually won the Super Bowl).
Then, John Elway. That horse-faced motherfucker. The Browns were the AFC favorites to go to the Super Bowl and even had home-field advantage in the AFC Championship game. The Browns had the lead in the final minute. Cue the tragedy, the Broncos march down the field and win the game with a TD. Two years later, the Browns were in the same game, only they had the ball marching down the field at the end, needing a TD to win. This time, Earnest Byner fumbles the ball on the goal line, Broncos recover. Both games are now referred to simply as “The Drive” and “The Fumble” respectively. The Browns have only been back to the playoffs twice in the nearly 20 years since. They were rolled in the first round both times.
Hey, at least the Browns gave us hope. The Indians suffered in abject futility for decades. I can recall attending games at Cleveland Municipal Stadium in my childhood, when there could have only been 5,000 fans in the stands on any given night. When they finally made it to the World Series in ‘97, they couldn’t close out Game 7 in Florida and lost in extra innings. Thanks for nothing Jose Mesa.
Finally, there are the Cleveland Cavaliers. If you only listen to ESPN, the Cavs were in the Sports Wilderness from their inception until the drafting of Lebron. But that omits a small window in the early 90’s that the Cavs used to inflict heartbreak on its fans: remember that immortal clip of Michael Jordan nailing a 3 pointer at the end of the Eastern Conference Finals to take the Bulls to the championship? He hits it and then jumps about 15 feet in the air, pumping his fist. That was against Cleveland. It was poor Craig Ehlo defending the shot (and defending it soundly, might I add). The Cavs actually weren’t all that bad in those years. I don’t know if they were Championship-caliber, but they could have played in a Finals series or two. Unfortunately, as is the case with a few others teams of that period, MJ’s Bulls are the only team anyone will remember.
This is just the way things go around here. We’re used to it. We just suck it up and move on, blindly optimistic and ready to believe yet again that next time will be different. After all, training camp starts in about a month and we’ve got Brady Quinn.
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